Hello everyone,
So sad that you could be here today in our moments of quiet boredom, numb to the death of civilians and counting the monstrosities on our hands and running out of fingers. So glad that the bombs that dropped today on Youtube fell silently in a forest of chaos, every bit and byte sauntering through the light waves of French physicists and landing on the ground next to the angel who spied on Newton in the apple orchard with a compelling thud. No fear not that these tragedies will last more than a day, we will have more gas lighting coming your way soon. No worries.
The cupboards full of overpriced groceries will bend, giving way to the new dawn of Authority as Democracy is held in a vice grip like a pet cat running out of mice. Our goons, cloaked in ICE gear and full of grenades in their stomachs will blow up peacefully, and you can watch from a distance, on your Apple Watch.
Sincerely yours,
The United States Government
